The Idea of God

I was just chilling this afternoon and as usual when i chill, my thoughts start to wander off ... and I started think, how come I can never be as pious as other christians.. or for that matter as pious as any other person is to his/her own religion?

but then, I've never been atheist or gnostic- i truly believe in and love God... so i figured, its because i really treasure the idea of having God. To me, if there is no God, no eternity, no karma, then perhaps life will seem more pointless( ala john lennon's "imagine").. like whats the point of doing anything? in the end it all becomes dust... and whats the point of planning, or trying hard, or being good? just eat, drink and be merry. So yep there must be a God. And of course i've experienced God in my life.. tho i won't go too much into that... anyway..

But I don't want to be too near to God... i think his holiness will burn me...

and when i look around at the immense suffering brought about by religious fanaticism( wars, genocide, injustice to women etc etc,) , i wonder.. is it worth it? and almost every religion/cult has been guilty of bringing about suffering. but maybe its not the religion itself.. but its the people in the religion... imperfect human beings thinking that they are acting in the infallible will of whichever God the believe in, but in fact they don't know better than any other human being .. or perhaps they are downright worse, manipulating others to think that they alone possess special knowledge of the divine.

I'm so unholy; men are so evil, how can anyone ever say that they can execute the will of God? I'd rather just cherish the Idea of God.